Blood Passions
by eyes.of.hazel
Summary: Set during New Moon, Edward can’t stand to be apart from Bella and returns in December. What he finds shakes him to the core. Contains self-mutilation.
1. Panic

**AN: Rather than continue with my main fic **_**Scarred for Life, **_**I have decided to break it down into smaller, individual stories with more plot. This is the first of these stories. I hope these will add more depth of character, and a better plot line to my writing. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Zip, zilch, nada. (Sits in a corner and cries) **

_Summary: Set during New Moon, Edward can't stand to be apart from Bella and returns in December. What he finds shakes him to the core. Contains self-mutilation. _

_**Chapter 1: Panic.**_

**Bella's POV**

I blinked stupidly as I awoke to the sun streaming through my window. That in itself was unusual for Forks, but that it would be shining today, when everything I looked at seemed so dark and bleak, when everything reminded me of _him_. It didn't seem right, that the world around me should be so happy while I was sunk in the pits of despair. I thought about the sun, and how wonderful _he_ had looked, glittering like a thousand diamonds encrusted into his stone cold skin. I shut my eyes tight against the thought.

I had to get used to this, I had to learn to cope. It was obvious now, he wasn't coming back. It had been months since he'd left and it still hurt, god it hurt so much. Yet in a way, it was comforting. Though I couldn't live with him, my mind and my heart refused to let him go, and all other feeling had been erased. Ever since that day, when I struggled fruitlessly to follow him through the forest, the only thing I had felt was pain.

I felt the pain of loss, of living, but most of all, of loving.

Through it all, I still loved him. It wasn't fair.

He'd promised me, the last thing he'd promised me was that I'd never see him again, and yet I did. Everywhere I went he followed, always at the edge of my thoughts, consuming my dreams until I woke, sobbing because though it all I just couldn't let go of him. He didn't love me but for some unknown reason, I still craved him.

I loved him. Plain and simple. I still loved him with all my heart and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I began to feel resigned, then panicked as the pain ebbed vacancy filled its place. This couldn't happen. I couldn't just feel nothing, because if I felt nothing then it meant I wasn't living.

Hyperventilating, I ran from my room down the hall, the soft carpet muffling the sound of my heavy footsteps. It wasn't necessary, Charlie wasn't here today.

After months of waiting for me to respond to the world, he had accepted that there was nothing he could do, finally taking back a full set of shifts at the station. After all, the good people of Forks couldn't do without there police chief, could they?

I ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and rushing to the cabinet above the sink, tripping on the shower mat in my haste. Rummaging in the back of the cabinet, I found my prize.

Pulling a razor from behind the soap container I leant against the sink, my hand shaking in anticipation. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but it was the only way I could continue to feel, even if it was agony, I had to feel _something_.

I pulled the fabric of one of the long sleeve shirts I had taken to wearing up to my elbow, running my fingertips across the bumpy and barely healed skin along the way. I found an unmarked area and pressed the razor down, biting into the soft flesh. It was not enough do damage, but it began to throb. It felt satisfying in a way, to make my body ache in the same way the rest of me did.

I covered the cut with a towel, waiting for the bleeding to subside, and riding the waves of pain. It was a release in, a way to express the way I was feeling, as well as a coping mechanism.

I closed my eyes and thought of _him_, the beautiful curve of his mouth, his golden eyes and the effect they had on me, his strong stone body and his arms wrapped around me, providing safety and love. And then viciously, I snapped back into reality.

I began to cry. I cried for what I had lost, but I couldn't blame him. I couldn't blame him because I knew how he felt. It was impossible to even consider that he could ever have loved me.

He was my angel, ethereal perfection sent from heaven; while I was his own personal demon. I knew that he was in pain with every second he spent with me, yet he had stayed because he felt a need to protect me from myself.

I thought back to the day in the forest, the day my sole reason for being had disappeared from my life. He had told me that time would heal my wounds, that it would be as if he never existed. But he was wrong. Months later, the agony had not subsided, the grief as raw as if it had been yesterday that I collapsed among the trees, too anguished to keep moving.

I screamed and lashed out at the mirror behind me, drawing relief from the sound of the shattering glass as shards of glass embedded themselves all the way up my arm, the exact same way as they had at my eighteenth birthday.

The irony of this was lost on me as I broke down completely, cutting and scraping at my skin with abandon. I no longer cared if the marks would be visible; I just had to get rid of some of the pain. It was too much. It was all too much.

I knelt down in the glass, my clothes stained with my own blood, and I wept.

**Edward's POV**

I was running past Seattle, running back to the purpose of my existence.

My sole reason for being. I was running back to my Bella.

It was stupid to think I could leave her, that I could walk away from the woman I loved so easily and never look back. I had been kidding myself when I told her I would leave if it were the right thing to do. I could no more relinquish her, than I could abstain from blood.

Months, mere months and I had already given up, giving in to my selfish desire to be near her again.

I had thought about the consequences of this trip, that she would hate me, that she would tell me to leave and never come back, or worse, that she would have moved on and be with someone else. My chest clenched at the thought and I immediately shook it from my mind. If she was with someone else then I would leave, let her have the life she deserved with someone else. I would walk away freely to end my existence.

I slowed as I passed the sign informing me of my entry into Forks, and kept to the shadows of the forest, the leafy green canopy providing a shield from the sun.

I came to a dead stop 300 yards from her house. It was then that I could tell something was wrong. The burning in my throat flared painfully as I registered the scent of her blood. My Bella was bleeding.

I took off toward her house, desperation to find and heal her adding new swiftness to my speed, I wrenched the front door off its hinges in my haste and almost flew up the stairs, following the scent to the bathroom.

I stopped breathing as I took in the scene before me, my Bella huddled on the floor, rocking back and forth, shattered glass littering the bloody tiles around her.

At first glance, I thought she had tripped, but then looking closer at the cuts, it became obvious that these were self inflicted. Further inspection showed many more, both her arms marred by vicious scars.

Bella, my beloved Bella had done this, to herself.

No, I had done this to her. There was no doubt in my mind that I was to blame for this mutilation.

**Bella's POV**

I looked up and there he was; my angel in all his glory. I opened my mouth to speak, then frowned. This had happened before.

"Stupid Bella," I muttered to myself, "He's gone, he's not coming back."

He stared at me aghast, "Bella?" he seemed almost afraid to come near me.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered, his face never losing the horrified expression.

It was a hallucination, it had to be. There was no reason for him to be standing here, in my bathroom, staring at me with those beautiful, deadly eyes.

"It's not real" I said out loud, trying to force myself out of this bittersweet fantasy. "He doesn't love you, he's not coming back."

I began to cry again, my heartache being ripped from my chest in heaving sobs.

"Bella," Edwa- no, the hallucination, began to speak again.

This couldn't be happening. Why now? Why after all this time was I still living these waking dreams?

"Leave me," I whispered, trying to force the apparition from my sight. Still it did not move.

"Leave me!" I screamed the words a second time, only this time he began to move again.

It took half a second to realise that it was moving in the wrong direction, towards me. I slid backward, away from the delusion that was impersonating _him _and huddled against the edge of the tub, my knees tucked up to my chest.

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't believe it as Bella cowered away from me against the side of the bath.

"What have I done to you?" I murmured under my breath, she seemed to hear me though and lifted her face, staring into my eyes with fear written all over her face before quickly breaking eye contact.

That one look broke my long dead heart.

**AN: Please review and tell me what you think. The next chapter will be up soon.**


	2. Realisations

AN: Sorry if anyone is disappointed but this chapter is entirely from Edward's POV and covers a lot of what I think is going to be important in the coming chapters

**AN: Sorry if anyone is disappointed but this chapter is entirely from Edward's POV and covers a lot of what I think is going to be important in the coming chapters.**

**Disclaimer: If I asked really, really nicely, do you think Ms Meyer would give me Edward for Christmas? Until then I own nothing.**

_Last Chapter: _

_I couldn't believe it as Bella cowered from me against the side of the bath. That one look broke my long dead heart._

_**Chapter 2 Admissions**_

**Edward's POV**

I stood stock still for a moment before I began to regather my senses, then I noticed her rapidly paling face, and the amount of blood pooled on the tiled floor. I acted swiftly, holding her limp body gently to my chest, and picking her up off the bloodstained tiles. I carried her out of the house, before I realised she had lost consciousness.

Panic seized me as I prayed to the gods that be not to take my love from me so unfairly.I ran with her to the hospital, uncaring of who saw me in the sunlight. I needn't have worried. Fear for Bella's life sped me, making me too fast for human eyes to even comprehend.

I was too shocked to notice anything other than Bella, until I heard a familiar voice shouting in my head. It was Alice

_Edward! We're at the hospital, Carlisle's here too. She's going to live, Edward._

I breathed a sigh of relief but didn't slow my pace until I reached the hospital doors, Alice was waiting for me just inside the doors.

_This way, _She thought, showing me a picture of a private room near Carlisle's old office.

I began toward the room as the receptionist noticed me and called out.

A middle aged woman sat behind the pane of glass, looking at me intensely. Then she noticed Bella in my arms.

_Oh my god, its Charlie's girl, _she thought, shocked. _I've never seen so much blood on a person, and is that-Edward Cullen?_

I grimaced and walked away before she could stop me, she began to get out of her seat, intent on pursuing me, but seemed to think better of it and made a decision to call Charlie and let him know.

Damn.

I made it to the room in a few seconds, walking unnaturally fast without drawing too much attention to myself.

Inside, Carlisle had his back to me, setting up equipment.

_Put her on the bed._ He thought and I complied, retaining one hand, unwilling to let her go.

I took in the atmosphere of the room and smelled unrecognisable human blood, a blood transfusion then.

I watched as he prepared the IV, sliding it under her ashen skin and into her veins. Now, it was a waiting game.

I watched anxiously as Carlisle stitched up some of the deeper cuts, and applied dressings to the rest.

It was then I noticed what, or rather, who was missing.

"Where's Alice?" I asked.

"She's gone to head off Charlie," he replied, never taking his eyes off Bella.

"And, er, what's she telling him?" I asked, my voice sounding wretched even to myself.

"The official story is that she tripped in the bathroom and broke the mirror, and that's what the doctor's observation will confirm." He spoke low and calm, his voice trying to do what he knew words couldn't.

That left one last question in my mind. Why were we here?

As if reading my thoughts, or perhaps he just knew me too well, Carlisle spoke again in that same, low voice.

"We are here because Esme did not like the atmosphere of LA. We drove back today to get everything in order before moving back. You and Alice went to see Bella and found her after the accident, you then bought her here where I was sorting out details, and here we sit."

The story worked, and it made sense, the only thing left was to make Charlie believe it.

As if pulled by my thoughts, Charlie crashed into the room, ungainly in his haste to see Bella. He wrenched the door open, and I was instantly reminded of the state of Bella's own front door. I made plans to fix it as soon as I could before Charlie found out.

_It's all taken care of, Edward._ Alice's thoughts popped into my head and I breathed a small sigh of relief.

Charlie's flushed face paled at the sight of his only daughter in the hospital bed, and I could see why, her face was deathly white and she had dressings and bandages covering almost every inch of her arms and that was only what he could see.

Then he noticed me and his eyes narrowed.

"What in hell's name are you doing here" he questioned.

Images and memories flashed through his mind, and I winced as I saw in full what I had done to my Bella.

It was no less than I deserved.

Carlisle must have realised what was going on, and he stepped forward.

"Edward saved her life today," he spoke quietly and assured. "I think he just wants to ensure for himself that she will be alright."

I realised at once that Carlisle's softly spoken words hadn't made an impact.

"If you think for a second I'm just going to let you break her heart again like that by walking out, you have another thing coming boy" he growled his words at me, consumed by a righteous desire to protect Bella. It was something I admired him for, and I looked up at him.

"I can assure you right now that I will never leave her again, Mr Swan." I told him, for once completely honest.

"To right you won't" he snarled, "You're not coming near her again. Leave now."

I took a moment to process what he was telling me to do, ready to agree to anything he asked when I realised the problem in his request.

"I can't," I whispered, mostly to myself, though even I could hear the blatant anguish in my voice.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, boy?" he said, he spoke louder, mostly from shock.

I took a moment to compose my words before I spoke again. "I can't leave her," I spoke with more conviction this time.

"And why's that?" he sneered, anger and protectiveness raising a defence.

I tried to see into his mind to see what he would expect, but gleaned nothing, his voice almost as silent as Bella's in his rage. Not knowing what he wanted to hear, I decided to tell him the truth.

"I love her too much to let her go again." I told him simply, and with those words, all the fight left him and he sagged into the empty chair.

**AN: Please review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Awakening

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was, never will be.

**AN: Sorry this took so long, I'm in year 12 (equivalent Senior in US) so my workload is absolutely insane. I'll try to keep updating but it will probably be fairly sporadic, please just bear with me because your support is much appreciated. Another note, Bella's POV appears again in this chapter, hope you like it. So, with that said, on with the story.**

_Last Chapter:_

_Not knowing what he wanted to hear, I decided to tell him the truth._

"_I love her too much to let her go again." I told him simply, and with those words, all the fight left him and he sagged into the empty chair._

_**Chapter 3 Awakening**_

**Edward's POV**

"Y-you really do mean that don't you?" Charlie asked; his anger finally defeated.

I looked him steadily in the eyes, so he could read the truth in my face. "With all my heart and all my soul. I would do anything for your daughter." I replied.

As I said that, his mind suddenly cleared and I could see that he believed me at last.

I glanced at Carlisle and nodded subtly. With that he slipped back into doctor mode, checking Bella's charts, though I know he knew them by heart after all the times he'd treated her. I knew he was just hanging back to ensure I was correct about Charlie. Knowing that a truce had finally formed with her father, I turned my attention back to Bella.

I took Bella's hand back into mine, having released it during the confrontation with Charlie. Now I had her back, I could barely stand to be without her touch, I was constantly reassuring myself that she was here, and she would live.

"It will be alright, love," I whispered to her. "I'm here now and everything will be okay."

She stirred in her sleep and I hoped she had heard me; that she knew there was reason to fight; praying that she believed our love _was_ reason to fight. I knew instantly that it was. She wouldn't give up on me, just as I could never give up on her. Not now, not ever.

Everyone had left the room and I lost track of time as I stayed with her, waiting for her to open her eyes and smile at me once more. Everyone had left

Then it hit me, what if she didn't smile? If she was depressed and lonely enough to attempt to end her life, what if she wasn't the Bella I remembered? What if, by leaving, I had broken the woman I loved most in the world?

If that was so, then there would be nothing left to do. She wouldn't want me anywhere near her, and without her my life was nothing.

Alice came in at that point; my pessimistic thoughts must have sent her a vision because she looked panicked beyond anything I'd ever seen.

_Edward, you have to stop. If you do this, if you go down this road again you will, ultimately, be responsible for her death. Hasn't today been enough proof that she can't live without you? Don't you believe that she felt the same pain as you when you left? The difference for her Edward, the only difference, is that she didn't have a choice. You left her, but not only that, you left her thinking you didn't love her anymore. _

If her words weren't enough, the vision she sent me next was enough almost to cripple me in grief. Bella, screaming in anguish, was falling in front of a fire which I knew was consuming what was left of my body. Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, she produced a knife, and held it above her body. With a single, strong movement she thrust it into her chest, piercing her heart and spilling her precious blood over the ground before her.

I realised then I was back in the hospital, sobbing dryly over Bella's prone form. It wasn't real, I told myself. Not real _yet. _But no, I wouldn't allow it to happen. I made a mistake, I wouldn't make it again, not with Alice keeping watch over us all, stopping us from heading down the wrong track.

"She'll wake soon" Alice said quietly, then left the room, satisfied that she had put an end to _that_ possible future.

I looked back at her just in time to see her eyelids begin to flutter, and her brows furrow, as if she was reluctant to wake up.

**Bella's POV**

I didn't want to leave this strange, wonderful dream, in which Edward still loved me, and my best friend had come back. The ethereal nothingness I had felt earlier would have been preferable to the loud noises and incredible pain I was now in. I fought it, trying to go back to my dreamland, to extend my time with Edward.

Even as I fought consciousness, I knew it was useless. I had lost the battle almost before it had begun, and now there was nothing left to do but wake up and face another day.

I mentally prepared myself for another day of tedium, followed by misery, and tried to remember what homework it was that I hadn't completed. Finally, I gave up and opened my eyes, before promptly closing them again. He was there again, and it was so realistic.

"I'm going insane," I muttered to myself, "I've finally lost it and now he's everywhere I go."

I felt his fingers brush against my cheek, it seemed so real it was breaking my heart all over again.

"Bella," he breathed, "My darling Bella, tell me how to help you. How can I make you believe that it's me, that I'm here with you and I'm never going to leave?"

I opened my eyes again, but he was still there, in the same spot as before, with the same achingly beautiful face, and those eyes, black as ebony.

The last thought struck me as odd. In all my hallucinations, Edward had topaz eyes, so light they were almost butterscotch. As that thought hit me, so did the pain running through both my arms. I questioned this, pain of this magnitude was unusual, even for me.

Then, the memory finally returned. I finally took in my surroundings, I had assumed I was in my room, but finally I saw the machines hooked up to me, and the pastel curtains which instantly gave away a hospital. So this meant the memory was real. I had tried to end it, to finally end my misery once and for all, but it didn't work. I had failed somehow, someone had saved my worthless life.

At that moment, realization dawned. If everything else was real, then _he _was too! Edward had come back and it was he who saved me. I looked back at him, and for the first time since he had left, I smiled.

**Edward's POV**

I watched her wake, heard her spoken fears, and tried to ease her pain. I saw, as the facts lined themselves up in her mind, and the truth finally became clear to her.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, but slowly I leaned in and, one by one, kissed them away.

She looked up at me, and her smile was so beautiful, yet so full of pain, that it almost broke my soul in two.

Yet she had smiled, and that was all I needed.

I pulled her gently into my arms, and quickly maneuvered myself onto the bed beside her.

Without words, because they no longer had use for us, we lay side-by-side, staring at each other. She eventually fell asleep, with her head on my shoulder, her bandaged arm draped over my waist, the other lying between us.

I watched my angel sleep. She had been hurt, broken almost beyond repair, but she would heal. I would heal her, and watch over her, and love her forever. I vowed then that we would be together always.

"Now and forever" I whispered.

I almost missed her murmur a reply; her voice was so quiet, "Forever and ever," she confirmed, and I knew it was true.

**(AN: This probably isn't the ending of Blood Passions, in fact I doubt it, however it may take a while to update and I don't want anyone reading it as I write to feel unsatisfied, or for them to be left with a cliffhanger for too long. Hence the happy ending to this chapter. As always please review. xoxo)**


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